Our own history

László

 

My name is László Rózsás, and I became in 1957 in southwest Hungary born, in the city of Nagykanizsa, as the second son mine from the Soviet captivity then only 4 years ago of returned home father.
My parents were Catholics, and because my father had got through his 9-year suffering tests in the Soviet Union by his God's trust, they took seriously the religion. Also I became when I had grown up, for the time being a convinced Catholic.
However, thus we did not fit into the Hungarian society at that time surely. Our own situation was still aggravated by the fact that my father direct target has become ruling in the country.

 

He was during his last 3 years in the Soviet Union in Ekibastus with the later Russian author and Nobel Prize Laureate Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn together in a labour camp. They had made friends there, as a literature loving, about which also Solzhenitsyn reports in his later resulted works. My father has also read at home in Hungary Russian magazines, and he read in 1962 amazed about the fact that a narration of his former friend had appeared in the Soviet Union. Their title was: One day of the Ivan Denisovich, and it plays in the same labour camp where they were together as it had turned out later. He has requested the address for Solschenizyn after one and a half-month brooding, finally, from the newspaper publishing company and also has received, and then has written to him. Soon he got response of Solzhenitsyn, with a copy dedicated by him of his narration.

 

They changed letters with each other after it regularly. Also my father had written down the history of his 9 years immediately after his homecoming what had to be kept secret, however. End of the 60-th, however, as a Solschenizyn at home more and more was fallen out of favour, until one had banish him, finally, in 1974 from the Soviet Union, the pressure grew also on our family. One wanted to conceal the whole gulag history from the younger generations at all costs. Gulag survivor were at the outset unpopular and observed, however, a relation with Solzhenitsyn filled the measure.

 

(At their homecoming in 1953, it wanted not leave the Stalinist regimes at that time in Hungary at all in the country, and had to hold the responsible still in the Soviet Union after countries look out which would be ready then to accept these "fascists". Sweden and Turkey showed itself readily, and the people already had to specify which country they would choose when the Soviets have exerted, nevertheless, pressure on the Hungarian leadership, to let these people home. Then their receipt by the home authorities was also appropriate.)

After the graduation of an agricultural secondary school and after I neither further study, nor in the agriculture a place could find, I worked first some years in different factories in my hometown, then I dragged in 1978 in the capital, to Budapest. I lived in different worker-homes or in rented rooms (for any more a month salary was not sufficient) and worked with the underground as an auxiliary driver. After approximately two years in Budapest, 23-year old, I finally came to the decision to want to leave the whole country. Finally, after a lot of considering and hesitation I resolved to hesitate not further, but to concentrate all of one's efforts, to flee in the western foreign countries. However, such jumps in the darkness were linked with some risks which have still begun in own country.

 

I registered in April, 1981 in a travel agency on a three-day-long trip in October to Munich. I tried after it to prepare best possible during the next 6 months. I have succeeded in keeping secret my plan before my colleague and acquaintance, however as the time of the takeoff approached, the restlessness grew in me.

 

When I had gone for a walk in an afternoon in Budapest in a deserted area in the late-summery sunshine and thought anxiously of the forthcoming heavy and all determining moments, God said all at once to me: "Come to me, and I will help you!" I immediately replied: "Well, but as I know myself, I would go away from you, perhaps, soon again." There he repeated once again: "Come to me, and I help you!" My reaction hereupon was that I had resolved to the place with myself to read to start immediately the small New Testament which I had still got as a gift from my father. I had already for many years the little book always with myself, but never in it read.

 

Then I have started to read the New Testament, as planned, and made progress in it haltingly. I have not understood a lot in it, or with my religion cannot bring in harmony. After some time I noticed that I was strengthened internally, and in the beginning there thought I because I know that I soon get away there, I feel immediately better and simplified. With the time, however, I recognised that just the words of the Gospel had caused this change in me, and I was high pleased with this discovery. I have firmly resolved not to give up this any more.

 

I did not want to change my original plan, for my part, any more, however, I laid the whole matter of my escape in the hands of God down with the readiness to accept what he always wants. If now he wants that I remain, my attempt does not work out all right, when he wants, however, in such a way that I should go, then it will succeed. I was thereby completely calmed, and made behind with it a vital experience. Because that it is the best one to count completely on God because one receives then not only an entire rest and remains sensible, but the best one happens what can only happen. Thus it had also become possible for God to redeem his promise towards me. However, it could not keep to it of course, because herewith I had discovered the treasure in the field (Matthew 13:44).
There came the day, and I was not detained, although the small New Testament and also my Catholic prayer book at the airport was found with me. One did not ask, however, for what I needed this during the next two days in Munich so necessarily. My things were ransacked until into the smallest and were examined, one had paged through my pocket diary and had read my entries in it, but the official said and asked no word, and I could go on.

 

In Munich, I arrived decided myself on requesting in Germany of asylum and not on emigrating overseas as originally planned. One nowhere receives asylum-seeker probably in the world with pleasure, this was also not different in my case. But I was grateful that I might at least remain, was supplied with the of vital importance and now could have view of a more meaningful life.

 

Soon, however, God acted again quite concretely, and got me further. I stood around in the university canteen in Munich with young Hungarian companions once as two boys, a German and an US-American, stepped to us, with fliers in their hand. They wanted to invite us in a Christian community on lectures of a missionary. When it had turned out that we were Hungarians, they said that also they had a Hungarian with them, and they called him also immediately to us. He came and had talked shortly with us there, and promised to interpret us if we would come. I accepted for an evening. That was in February, 1982, about four months after my arrival.
However, on the lecture of the American missionary could translate Istvan, my new acquaintance, all together not a lot, I had understood from the whole hardly something. The Christian community, which it had organized, was a charismatic one. It was for me also completely new, I found them, however, not repulsively. I nevertheless wanted to get no more to further church services afterwards. However, I read my New Testament further, and now and then met with Istvan. We talked mainly about the true Christ-succession and discipleship on that occasion on the basis of the biblical statements. He made the impression of a real disciple of Jesus, had beard, clear eyes, was always quietly, serious and engages, but on no manner intrusive. He still studied philosophy on the university, hardly was some years older than I. I had many questions, and he mostly showed the answering in the Bible.

 

On a weekend in May, we spend in a central park in Munich nearly one whole day in the conversation with each other. On many occasions Istvan mentioned also earlier already the necessity of a correct, biblical baptism which happens to the forgiveness of our own sins and not some old sins. He had also shown the concerning passages in the Bible about that. Now in this day we came sometime again on this subject, and I informed him that I liked to be baptized. If God wants it in such a way, it should happen so. I wanted to do his will in all. I could already experience his kindliness amply in the last months, and then through reading of his word and the conversations over it already prepared me almost imperceptibly on it God through his invisible spirit. So it was already a self-evident fact on that day for me that I would like to be baptized.
On the way home I had the feeling to have made an important decision, but I felt fine, and was sure that I had properly decided. When I had laid to sleep in that evening, struck me that in me a complete rest and silence ruled, not as usual, an inner "background noise". For a long time I could not fall asleep before midnight because of all the restlessness in myself, but now this restlessness was completely away. It was to be hardly grasped, and I wondered how long it would last probably so. I thought it also of Jesus' known word: Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, give I to you.
I soon fell asleep, and all at once I opened the eyes, and it was bright morning. As if no night had been in between. I experienced such a thing the last time maybe still as a small child. And the most marvellous was that in me still complete peace ruled. I was very happy and God very much very grateful.

 

Istvan then organized my baptism, which could take place only in 10 days during a Wednesday-house-circle. I expected this day with a certain suspense. Though I was glad in advance already about this personal step which would bring me closer to God and Jesus. However, I also felt the challenge linked with this step to which I also had to position myself with it necessarily.
Immediately after the water-baptism one has also asked for the holy spirit, the promise of Jesus, so that he fulfils me, and I prayed there immediately in other tongues.
Afterwards the peace of Christ in me had such a constancy that I, e.g., still even long years after it almost every morning had to thank God for the quiet and relaxing sleep, to which I could not yet get used completely after also many years, so wonderfully it still seemed to me.

I was acknowledged after 8 months as an asylum-justifiable, and this meant that now I might remain final and work. On the basis of my agricultural education-occupation, I got a place in a garden center through the employment office, however, not as a gardener, but as a storeman. I had earned at the beginning of very little, not even thousand marks per month, however, I got a small room with a low month-rent at the garden center, and was happy with the whole.

 

In this time I went quite regularly to the Christian parish, on Sundays to service, Wednesday in the evening in house circle, and also otherwise if there was still something, e.g., later on Fridays by prayer hours or on the street to evangelize. This community, the Christian Parish of Maranatha in Munich, was founded hardly some years before by US-Americans, and was specialized on students. The members were so mainly, however not exclusively, young people, and also not only students. The community still was enthusiastic and dynamic, already not quite small at that time, but still not even to big, therefore still quite familiar. I believe, I have had the luck to have connected myself in its best time there.

 

These first years were my most beautiful time in Germany. I made the experience that nothing can make one happier in the world, than to serve the people in spirit of God in the name of Jesus. I also wanted to do nothing else more, I had worldly ambitions none more.

 

Our parish became ever bigger and parallel with it, also the problems multiplied in the course of time. The enemy finds the weakest places everywhere, not in vain we are asked to always keep an eye on God's words and to deviate from his instructions neither on the left nor on the right.
The community was castigated because of their supposed sluggishness by the pastors too much, was driven too hard to farther and farther evangelism-effort because thus the will of God is, because how many would still have to be saved. The brothers and sisters had more and more difficulties with themselves what has promoted, however, only the hypocrisy becoming steadily more in general, the authenticity, the enthusiasm, the love got lost bit by bit and more and more doubts arose. Just those, as I was also who were participated with whole heart and whole soul endured the loads of the oppressive damnation feelings hard. My yoke is easy, and my burden is light says Jesus, but I had found out rather the opposite, so something could not be right.

 

After two and half years, I finally definite stayed out as I was quite torn and confused already internally. The whole situation in the community already harmed more the belief, as what it used. I could not afford that my faith in God is destroyed completely with what I was supported quite. I stood alone in a foreign country where I was also demanded in the work every single day. As a Christian, who didn't want to bring any disgrace to his heavenly Lord in his worldly environment, I could not exist without healthy faith and God's trust.
I tried to go to another parish which was bigger, but the teaching sensible, however, I felt me in the large crowd of people so lonely that it was more bearable if I rather remained at home. At that time I had had already almost the whole Bible also on cassettes which I heard regularly instead of hearing sermons, because it has coveted me only pure water. It brought much, however, it lasted a while until I could also restore the order in myself only to some extents.

 

Meanwhile, I wanted to change both job and habitation, have new possibilities in another city, and I searched for where I should go. It has attract me Stuttgart, and then I tried to reach there. There I already knew a Hungarian scriptmission, which was adverse, however, to the charismatic teaching, and I wanted to have originally no closer contact to them. However, God had ordained so that I nevertheless had moved through their willing help to Stuttgart still in the same year. There I got a job as a storehouse-worker again, this work was however cleaner and physically easier, and pays as well better. I could live for the time being with a member of the parish of the mission-co-workers as a lodger. In this manner I reached all at once in the situation to be able to get to know also non-charismatic Christians of the next nearness. I knew myself completely in God's plan and had reason amply to be again very grateful to him.

 

In my leisure time, I helped with the scriptmission, and I went Sunday into their community.
I was happy to be again within a brotherly fellowship, and in the first time, I found the quieter church services pleasantly, even if little dry. However it always ran out everything listlessly in the same equanimity, and in personal conversations hardly actually occurred Jesus and his matter to talk from enthusiasm about him not at all once. I tried to understand their attitude and arguments and looked for my task in this situation.
With the Hungarian scriptmission one worked constantly on book-editions, that were translated predominantly from German, published one month-leaf and put packages with Bible, books and tracts together, which were mailed to Hungary and to areas inhabited by Hungary round Hungary. It was interesting of course to take part in this work, however, I did not agree with all scripts, and this has damped my enthusiasm.

 

Once, one of the mission-co-workers showed me his Hungarian Bible, a present-day one reformed translation, that was corrected through and through with pencil, and told me that also my Bible should look soon so. I have already known the matter with the very inexact translations also myself, and I asked him, why then they do not publish a Bible with a correct text there? He had twitched only the shoulder and had appealed to lack of money. In their outputs they had also often enough used instead of the current Bible texts their corrected forms.

 

In this time it had also happened that in Hungary the oldest Bible translation was anew published, to the 400-year-old jubilee of the original edition which would have been due in some years, in 1989. However, it was printed its last, already at that time centennial revision again, and on the question of the mission-co-workers, why one had left the old text so and nothing corrects, a responsible is supposed to have answered that one had not known how far one would have been allowed to change the text. As I have belonged of it, I said: "So, it cannot continue! I will already know how far I may change this text if everybody is so helpless."

 

I have proof-read, while I had collaborated there, a book completely through, the book from R. Brockhaus: Thoughts about the letter to the Romans. However, another book that one wanted to let done with me claimed, the charismatic movement comes completely from the Satan, and the illustration on the book cover compared them to filthy water floods. There the point came where I said that I participate in it no more further.

 

What I had missed very much in this community, the willingness was to sincere discussions. The matter of the truth and the rescue would have earned much more attention and commitment according to my opinion, because also the responsibility is great. I was strengthened in my conviction that the charismatics despite which experienced or known shortcomings with them, the truth nearer would be. Accordingly goes more profoundly and it also is more devastating if they do mistakes. In contrast nothing utilizes the best theory and intent if one wants to fight the spiritual fight from own, human strength. After my own experiences, as well as on the basis of the Scriptures I was persuaded, that to be a true and plausible witness for Jesus, we needed obviously the same heavenly power and abilities which also the first disciples had. It is in the interest of us all to consider most thoroughly the biblical truths, and to obey the admonitions of Jesus and his first disciples.
I experienced formerly in Munich in the community also a very beautiful time when it was as if one was in the old parish. One went on Wednesdays or on Fridays after the work tiredly to house-circle and prayer-circle respectively, and came against eleven refreshed, happily and enthusiastically home. There were prophecies which were real and edifying, as well as real healings. The evangelism was always an adventure and God's work could be experienced. At that time, however, there were still no extreme phenomena there, they came in only late slowly.
Thus I could not resign myself afterwards with something fewer more, because I knew that it can also function properly, and only so it really makes a sense and it can be also responsibled.

 

In the course of time, I pulled myself then from the community little by little back as it became clear that neither they could help me, nor I them. I thought that I know already my task. I have already planned then really, that most beautiful, old Hungarian Bible translation which is also used even today mostly to circumscribe simply into today's Hungarian language and to correct the known, coarsest inaccuracies with the help of primarily German translations. Alone through it, one could have gotten already a much better text as the existing ones were. I believed to be able to finish this work in some months, and then has soon also started them with the New Testament. I wrote my text in exercise books by hand.
In the lodging there, however, I could not remain longer, so I had to look for another for me. With my move, also this section of the divine education now came to its end. I could pull the teachings again and could go further, again quite weakened, but with valuable experiences, and in the knowledge of my temporary task.

When I had installed myself, finally, in my apartment in Stuttgart middle, I continued my Bible work, and adjusted myself to the spiritual survival alone. On this occasion, the cassettes with the Luther Bible played a great role again. Actually I tried to still speak that old Hungarian Bible-text in Munich on cassette, however it sounded much too antiquated. I planned my new text, however, to speak also on cassette already from the beginning, that was in the end one of the reasons of my check work plan.

 

If one starts to investigate somewhat more deeply in the Bible, more and more interesting things emerge. Soon I realized that the whole has only really a sense if I more exactly investigate everything and make a more searching work. I had a great desire to do this, because I saw that it can be made with many accessories, like dictionaries, concordances and numerous other translations, excellently, even if one had not studied the original languages. The purely scientific part of such a work is available already in all the thoroughness. Nevertheless, no less importantly is to be had also the spirit who had inspired the original text and to be able to hear on him which is possible, however, only by a logical life in Christ (He who remains in me, and I in him, the same bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.). An attempt worth was this work for me any time, because, to wait for others, would not have had any sense.
I had at that time already the fixed conviction that first of all the foundation must be properly laid, only then one can further build, i.e. evangelize. Neither I myself wanted to be misled, finally, nor I wanted to mislead others.

 

While I had lived in Stuttgart, I tried to find with the time then again a community which could have been, perhaps, my spiritual home. I became inevitably more careful in the meantime, the hope did not want to give up, however. But, I could join in my environment in the end nowhere, but also God obviously did not want that I get stuck there somewhere. It was gradually the time of the great political radical changes. In 1989 I could drive the first time home.

 

During my last years in Stuttgart I already worked as a truck driver. I bought myself a Commodore 64 computer and changed with my Bible-work on it. There I came with it still so far that I had written the New Testament half of it, so till the approx. middle of the Acts of the Apostles, from the old translation in the computer.
In March 1992, I finally moved home, into my birth-city Nagykanizsa.

Also in Hungary I longed very much for a Christian community, but the relevant situation was substantially more devastating, as hoped. I made some acquaintances, quite alone I finally had not remained, but it was nobody, with which one would have, in this service on any manner there can reckon.
In the first years I could nevertheless make important advances in my Bible-work. What I had planned originally, I could complete in this time. I created the New as well as the Old Testament, finally, into today's language with some corrections. After the completion of this raw text did me I at listing Bible-verses from it according to the Greek words of the until then composed synonym groups. Thus one could compare the different translations of one single Greek word in the context easily with each other, and then try to find the best possible correspondence and to fit in them everywhere.

 

I later then had a PC (386), and had to work me little by little also into the computer science more and more intensively. I now intended, the whole text, beginning with the New Testament, more thoroughly than originally planned, to work through, and first wanted to compose a dictionary based on the Greek vocabulary to it.
The whole cost not only a lot of time but also always a lot of money. As long as I had it, it did not play any role, because the work itself interested me furthermore very much and had not lost also its topicality. In the course of time, however, I was forced more and more to assume other works on the side to earn money, mainly translation and interpreter-works.

 

However, I came, in the meantime, with my Bible work, nevertheless, so far that I could put together the planned Greek-Hungarian-German dictionary (vocabulary of the NT and OT [Septuaginta]) with a data bank program, links with the Greek original texts, different translations and with my own raw text, so that it could also function as a concordance. In the beginning of 2002 it was so far that I could start the analysis of the single Greek words in their contexts, however, I wanted to manage it, finally, possibly without breaks.

 

In this time I already had internet-connection, and I reached to the conclusion that it could signify a chance also for my Bible-work. It was so already since the times of commencement, that had to be distributed among the Christians beside spiritual also material goods, according to need, and to this the Internet is really something excellent.
I thought already at that time of the putting of a homepage together, however, I was still an Internet novice. Thus I launched in January, 2002 for the time being an international e-mail operation and wrote during 2 months to Christian communities in western countries. First only individually and personally, myself, my work and my goals exactly introduced, with giving of my residential address and phone number. In the end probably already some spam-like. I asked merely for an unique, small donation, and thought, so much will be able to risk a whole Christian community already for the matter of the lifesaving biblical truths even if I do not belong to their church. Even with joy that they can support a Christian activity in a recently freed country mentally lying on the ground. To lose they do not have anything if they act in the good belief, that was to be also presupposed (Jesus calls for it, because only God can have the complete overview, by people, it also is expected not), but one could also control me how a single one also had done it. It had been enough for the life for me at that time if monthly at least 20 parishes had sended 10 DM (7 USD). I thought, I would ask for not too much with it, and was certain that it will be because of the money not at all. I had supposed, that people and communities which sit itself into the internet out with the label: Christian, will be quite ready to render something also for the worldwide Christian service, and in such a case, like mine, at least check whether they did not have a duty there from Lord if they are already asked.
The most ones however so far obviously came not at all. Less as 1 percent had responded at all somehow, a Swiss pastor even with mockery: Such, as I, only the dollars wanted. Although this action was not quite unfruitful, however, it failed, and I finally had to realize that it will not function thus. This result, the almost complete disinterest, has me shocked, during which however world-wide the dynamic advancing of dark and destructive forces could be observed (also exactly in Hungary again). I seemed to myself as the farmhand of the Lord of the vineyard in the simile of Jesus, which the wine-gardeners abused, wounds and from the vineyard with empty hands had thrown out, as he wanted to take over something in his Lord's order of them from the fruits of the vineyard (Luke 20:9-16).

 

I then had married in July 2002 with 45, had sold my apartment in the city and now had bought a house in a village in the northeastern mountain-region with my wife. My wife was colleague of me in Budapest and became converted approximately to the Lord in the same time, as I, however she at home. We established already contact as I still lived in Germany.
A basically new phase began with it of course again. Finally a phase of the togetherness instead of the loneliness for us both.